My Tryst With Titanic

Brothers are habitually irritating creatures- thin (how?) and gangly with that customary thatch of spiked hair which they think looks cool but only succeeds in resembling a cross between a tarantula and a particularly hairy chimpanzee. And yup, replete with that extremely silly grin that bares their horrible yellow teeth with glinting steel braces. And the ones that cannot live without a regular supply of Coke and their sisters tormented howls. Oinks!
So when I was informed of my imprisonment (fellow suffers will sympathize wimme!) with this horror for days, I begged, shrieked, screamed, pleaded and even cried, an extremely diverting performance that had my mum yelling the dreaded words “you’re going!”
Bang. Silence.
Just that minuscule sentence to decide my destiny. Boo hoo!
So I got shoved, kicked, jostled, propelled and even winked at as I soundlessly bore (sigh!) the agonies of Indian bus travel – yeah, those colossal fall-any-second structures with peeling red paint. Shudder! A bundle of heaving arms and flailing legs flecked with the occasional blue jeans and red Winnie the Pooh tee, I scrambled down the steel and something edifice and prayed ardently. I was alive. Wow!
Then something happened- rather like the ancient movies in Eastman color where a jumping hunk saves a swooning princess – I saw The Titanic.
Not the ship morons!
The movie Titanic with the oomph-oozing Kate Winslet and chocolate boy Leonardo DiCaprio romancing each other on the enormous iron façade. Yeah, now all you hardened action fans will snigger and the label ‘another mushy female’ will get attached to my extremely-honorable-and-unique identity, but titanic really makes me go- whoa! It’s exceptional, inimitable, unrivaled - the perfect embodiment of the sheer horror and dazed awe which greeted the calamity which befell man’s most exquisite masterpiece. The mystery lingers in the movie- the unknown (undoubtedly terrifying) moments which kept the doomed-to-death victims company when the gigantic structure was swallowed by the unfathomable depths of the ocean. Phew!
And of course, the love story bit. The famous kiss. They all keep you hooked till the rolling credits. And then Celine Dion assaults your senses with a lovely, heart wrenching song. A masterpiece was created. A masterpiece was forgotten.
And yeah, I relived it – the ecstasy, the pain, the separation. Oh well.

***

We all learn stuff from our mum – the nerds and the geeks will spout out the usual – punctuality and discipline and rubbish. But what do we really learn from these divine goddesses?
Find out.


Stuff I Learnt From My Mum
· My mother taught me RELIGION.

You better pray that my-best-and-most-expensive-ring that you lost will come out of the carpet
· My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!
· My mother taught me LOGIC.

Because I said so, that’s why.
· My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.
· My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

Shut your mouth and eat your supper.
· My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!
· My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

Just wait until we get home.
· My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
· My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

Don’t stuff food like that- what are you- a mouse or something?
· My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!!
· My mother taught me about STAMINA.

You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
· My mother taught me about WEATHER.

This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.
· My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
· My mother taught me about ENVY.

There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.
Now that is kind of universal isn’t it?

Adios!